How others see you mostly comes from unconscious observation.
This drives how they interact with you.
While you are busy with your thoughts and actions at this very moment, your unconscious mind is taking in a thousand times more information than your conscious awareness. Consciously, you are only able to process the information you are concentrating on in the moment we call now. This may be sensory input from eyes, ears, touch, taste, and smell, or it may be the thoughts on which you are concentrating. However, your senses actually pick up new information in your environment at a much greater rate. What is not impinging in consciousness is processed by your unconscious mind.
The thousands of subliminal (below the conscious awareness) signals are sorted and stored in the memory ready to be accessed when they are needed. If the unconscious determines that some of those signals deserve your immediate attention, you will be directed to that source of signal instantly. Again, this is a protective mechanism, but it allows you to know a great deal about situations and people you come across without really knowing why you know it. Your unconscious mind is aware of such subtle distinctions as change in skin colour, dilation of the pupil of someone’s eye, the way they walk, distant sounds, and odours of which you’re not consciously aware. All these signals are used to determine if a situation is comfortable or dangerous or if you should like or mistrust the person with whom you are dealing. A lot of so-called intuition is derived from these sources.
Just as you detect tiny details of other people and assess them on that basis, they also assess you on your behaviours. As we have discussed, these behaviours are derived from learned responses based on beliefs, values, and attitudes. Anything that affects these micro-behaviours tends to affect the way people treat you and interact with you. So, if you are stressed or carry negative emotional content in your memory, it can and does change the way others react to you.
It is very useful, therefore, to remove as many of the negative influences in your life as possible to maximize the usefulness and enjoyment of your relationships with other people. This, in turn, will affect your level of success in life. Anxiety and anger have the greatest influence in this regard.
Expectations society places on you and the demands you place on yourself create substantial levels of anxiety for most of us. Expectations or demands of family and friends can influence how you process information and what you observe of the world around you. And, your reaction to different groups of people based on unconscious reactions influences how others respond to you. It is therefore important to know how to remove undesirable reactions and programs that influence behaviour or anxiety levels. This section covers the effects of these anxieties on your body and emotional system, and how to eliminate a substantial component. Why is this important?
Think about the people you like to be around. Do you like to spend time with people who are anxious and jumpy, or do you prefer people who appear in control, calm? Most of us would answer the second question affirmatively because such people tend to lend stability to the rush of modern life. They appear to know what they are doing and even create an air of knowing something about life that you may not.
The physical and emotional components of stress and anxiety have a serious effect on thinking processes and your perception of the world around you. They can cloud your thinking, create sudden mood swings and muddy the waters when it comes to dealing with other people. Because your success in life usually depends on the perception other people have of you, it is obviously important that you remove such apparent negative effects.
(Extract from The Neuro-Com Program by Gary W. Johnston)