Expectations in Relationships
We all expect different things from our interaction with others. What we expect is based on the belief and
Values system we have taken on, based on the relationships we saw those in authority engaging in when we were kids.
Our unconscious memory continues to base our attitudes and consequent behaviours towards others on those embedded values.
When we meet someone our unconscious mind evaluates that person in light of his or her behaviour, both
physical and verbal, conscious and unconscious. It watches for inconsistencies with eye contact, dilation of
the pupils, movement, smell and other behaviours. If the thought-feeling reaction is comfortable we establish communication. If not we walk away. If the reaction is strongly positive we pursue the association. And all this is processed and determined in a fraction of a second.
As we spend time with that person the initial emotional reaction is overlaid with other expectations we
place on the relationship with them. We are now trying to connect to someone having a completely different soul memory, with a completely different program and Values system, fit inside our program.
Where the beliefs and values are at serious odds this scenario usually doesn’t work and causes conflict similar to the conflicts caused through internal values conflicts we have already discussed.
So having expectations of someone else in terms of their belief system, language or behaviour will always trigger issues with respect and trust over time. This is one of the biggest issues we have in relationships and the greatest cause of conflict and destruction of the relationship.